I finally got a job. Yes I know… Finally. It’s a deli and ice cream shop. New business, hopefully they last long. I start training today. I hope I can scoop ice cream! hahah

That feeling. When you’re in bed and you wake up in the middle of the night feeling the warmth of that one special person, laying beside you. You see them in their most innocent state. Sleeping calmly. You kiss them gently, roll over then feel their arm wrap around you… Just to hold you. Nothing gets any better than this. There is no better feeling.

I over analyze everything. I really do. I over think stuff, second-guess often, and are too focused in the past or even think so far into the future that sometimes I ignore the present. I try to take one moment at a time, one day at a time. I’m learning to trust that, what ever happens, things will take care of themselves. I just have to keep positive. I can get so in depth with my thoughts, it’s a little over bearing sometimes. I need to get out of my own head and into my life. This affects everything, school, relationships, EVERYTHING!

I analyze, dissect, then re-analyze peoples words and behavior until I forget the original intention. How I got this way? I’ll never know… This also takes a tole on my relationship. I love my boyfriend, but lately we have been constantly fighting. I don’t like to fight with him, but I feel like he always gives me a reason too, (haha) OR maybe I just over analyze the situations and blow it up, when really the situation wasn’t that bad. I think that I have a lot to work on, but so does he. With my over analyzing and his way of communicating, we just keep clashing heads. It just makes it hard for me to understand and make the right decisions.

I just cannot believe how fast high school flew by, but at the moment I’m glad it’s almost over. I have four and a half weeks left; I’m stoked to say the least. Graduation is on the 30th of May! I meet with my college advisor this month. I’ll be attending the local community college around where I live, which is walking distance from my house; TOTALLY convenient! I’m still not sure what I want to study or what I see myself doing in the future, and it scares the shit out of me! Haha, I wish I knew what it was i’ll be doing later on it life. How can someone know what they are destined to be? I wish it were that simple. I do know that I love the creative and artsy stuff such as: music, digital media, design, etc. But then again, I want something that’s a bit more… promising. I absolutely LOVE music, and playing guitar. Getting a job having to do with music and being successful at it, it’s going to be hard. Maybe that’s my problem, I’m afraid to take on a challenge. I’m afraid that I’ll fail and suck at life. I don’t give myself enough credit, I need to learn to be more confident. I’m lame. Blabbing on…

I haven’t been on tumblr for months now. The followers I have, I’m sure, don’t get on as much either. I do have quite a few things on my mind, but I don’t know how I’ll go about putting them up. When it comes to writing, I’m not the best. And when I feel like writing, the things I want to say and the things I feel don’t come out right. It’s like my brain gets foggy and so does my vocabulary. But I’m going I try.

Hopefully this summer I can express myself better than I have lately. I’m 18 and still trying to figure out who I am and what I want to do with my life. Even my guitar playing has slowed down lately. I want to be creative dammit, it’s my goal to figure myself out and this summer I’ll do it.

You’ll find me on there a lot more.